Like Kramer asking for extra MSG on Seinfeld, I think I am going to put myself on a “please call” list for marketers. Just kidding. Some marketing guy from Avvo called me the other day, and I shut him down the same way I shut down most marketers: I told him I am so swamped with business that I couldn’t …
When we lived in Philadelphia, I used to read a daily column in the Philadelphia Inquirer written by a sportswriter named Bob Ford. I also played softball every Sunday with a guy named Bob Ford. At first it did not occur to me that the Bob Ford I played softball with every Sunday had anything to do with the Bob …
The Washington Post held a contest a couple of years ago in which it asked school teachers to send in examples of the worst analogies they had ever encountered in grading student papers. Below, with thanks to Ruth Hamburger, are some of my favorites. He was as tall as a 6’3” tree. John and Mary had never met. They were …
Back when I was a public defender, my office mate used to come across me reading transcripts from court hearings I had done – from either a trial or a preliminary hearing – and kid me. I thought I was being conscientious, working hard to make myself a better lawyer. He thought I was being vain. Apparently he hadn’t read …
MR. KOEHLER: Objection. Relevance. THE COURT: Mr. Koehler, you can sit down. MR. KOEHLER: Your honor, this is absolutely ridiculous. MR. RIORDAN: No, it’s not. THE WITNESS: No, it’s not. MR. KOEHLER: It is completely irrelevant. THE WITNESS: What’s ridiculous is how [the petitioner] gets away with all this stuff. THE COURT: I really can’t properly judge the relevance …
Wayne, my investigator, thinks he is being subtle. He insists on escorting me out of a bad neighborhood whenever we finish a crime scene investigation, and he doesn’t realize I can see him lingering down the street as I climb into my car. But this guy is bigger than his childhood hero, Jack Lambert of the Pittsburgh Steelers, and …
Defense strategy of pro se defendant this morning consisted mostly of making faces during the police officer’s testimony. Note to self: Not real effective. Surprisingly enough, the prosecutor still felt the need for argument.
We are having trouble with the sliding door on our mini-van. I take it back to the Toyota dealership shop a couple of times and spend a fortune to get it fixed but there still seems to be a problem with it. Finally, when I complain about having to fix it once again, the mechanic swears to me that …
Many of the rude words and gestures I know today I learned from driving with my father while growing up. I didn’t learn these things from my father, because I never once heard him utter a bad word. It wasn’t that using a curse word was in bad taste, though he clearly thought that too. It was that it was …
This is four or five years ago: I drive my father to the dentist. My father has been going to this same dentist for 50 years. The dentist used to clean my teeth. Once, when I was about 10 years old, he walked out into the waiting area during a break and announced to the receptionist – within hearing …