Overheard on Twitter

by Jamison Koehler on December 20, 2010

From @colinsamuels

I always prefer my wife’s holiday baking but I never criticize anyone else’s. People who live in gingerbread houses should not throw scones.

From @Popehat

Rule of thumb: when a client sends you homemade Christmas fudge, only eat it if he doesn’t owe you money.

From @lawandbaseball

Do you have to fly to get one of those TSA pat-downs? Just asking, for a friend.

From @thubten

How many SEO experts does it take to change a light bulb, lightbulb, light, bulb, lamp, lighting, lightswitch, switch, energy?

From @idillionaire

My favorite text message: “I’ll be there in 5 minutes. if not, read this again.”

Renamed my iPod as the” titanic” so when i plug it in ..it says ‘the titanic is syncing’

Your neighborhood is so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

I still miss my ex, but my aim is getting better!

Don’t tease fat girls, they already have enough on their plates.

I’ve just renamed my wifi network to “Police Surveillance Van #02”. That should keep my neighbors on their toes for a while.

Sometimes, you’ve really got to hand it to short people. Because quite often they can’t reach it.

From @alqaeda

Bieber not only gets more retweets than me, he’s probably also doing more to destroy Western civilization.

Bracing for attack by openly-gay American soldiers. This war threatens to turn fabulous.

If funding from Saudi Arabia dries up we may have to go back to holding bake sales & raffles.

Crap! Robin Hood airport is … wait, you guys named an airport after that shitty Kevin Costner movie? Seriously?

Attendance at US mosques is way up, thanks to the FBI paying people to go.

If you think Anwar’s sermons are boring, try listening to some of his fishing stories.

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