Overheard Today on Twitter

by Jamison Koehler on August 13, 2010

From Popehat

No, I don’t think moving all your assets into the name of your ex-wife to hide them is a good idea. But she does.

That’s a coincidence.  Sometimes I wonder if you should just kill yourself, too.

When I said “stop talking about the case,” I did not mean “except, of course, in bars.”

People you meet in prison are not reliable sources for criminal defense strategy

From SchantzLaw

When I said I accept green payments, I meant cash, not weed.

No I won’t loan your baby momma money to bond you out.

I don’t care what you say, no one on your deck plead guilty to attempted murder and went home on probation

You gave a voluntary confession and now you want me to beat your case?

From Brian Tannebaum

Can I do any better on the fee? Sure, but that wouldn’t be fair to you

Have I ever had a case like yours?  You mean where someone got arrested and was facing jail?  Yeah, a couple.

When do you get to tell the judge your side of the story? When you have one that one human being may believe.

Yes, I know you’ve always supported the police. Your support gave them the resources to arrest you.

No, I didn’t get the check. Don’t act so surprised. You have to mail it for it to get to me

Yes, I have a payment plan, here it is: pay me, that’s the plan

I quoted you a fee, there is nothing for “us” to work out, just you.

From PaulBKennedy

Three felony convictions? Why, yes, I think that makes you a great candidate for probation.

And just what makes you think the witness will start telling the truth now?

What your girlfriend is telling you she told the police just might be different than what she told the police.

From Frankbynum

No, I can’t get started for $250.  No, you can’t use my phone to call the lawyer who sent you a letter.

From Yours Truly

Your cousin/friend thinks this is a slamdunk?  Maybe you should get your cousin/lawyer to represent you.

Convicted of committing the same crime last year?  The term you are looking for is “recidivism,” not double jeopardy.

Yes, many public defenders eventually decide to go to law school.

Telling the judge you pled guilty every other time you were arrested will not convince him you are innocent this time.

You know the green hoodie the suspect was wearing in the videotape? Maybe you shouldn’t wear it to court.

My personal favorite (from PaulBKennedy):

If your cellmate is such a legal genius, what’s he doing in there with you?

And the winner (from Popehat, based on the laugh it got from my wife):

I don’t care if your cellmate says I should file a motion for immedius declarus innocentus. There’s no such thing.

3 Comments on “Overheard Today on Twitter

  1. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You guys face incredible hurdles to doing a good job. One of the highest hurdles, and I see you leap it every day, is your own client.

  2. Hello DAC! And, yes, it helps to have a sense of humor about it. But there have got to be some difficult complaining witnesses too.

  3. During an armed robbery trial my client insisted on testifying. There were 2 eyewitnesses. One said that’s the guy while the other said that’s not the guy. While being cross examined by the prosecutor my client suddenly said: “Hey man, I beat the other armed robbery and I’ll beat this one!” The judge gave him 8 to 15 years.

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